A Growing Concern

As the philosopher said, "All great men have mustaches." Today I was struck by the appalling lack of mustachioed gentleman in our society. It used to be that men didn't leave the house without one; full facial nudity on an adult male meant hormone imbalance (which was a fancy way of saying, "he's got the devil in 'im!"). Now you see naked lip-skin being flaunted openly, like in those French hunting clubs or Biblical cities where people had way too much sodium in their diets.

There were exceptions. Clemency was granted to clergymen and to judges, for example, as one could not help but be unduly influenced by the be-mustached orifi from which they issued what should have been unbiased truths. Truth, after all, should be weighed by it's own merit, and not by the grandeur of the lip-broom it resides behind.

The importance a mustache bears to manhood is even recognized in the military, an organization not readily acknowledged for it's sensitivity to the facial accoutrement needs of it's members. Yet there the mustache has found a loyal following, and there is a disproportionate amount of 'stache-sporting men within the service than on those without. This trend even extends to law enforcement, emergency services, and to a certain former coach of the Chicago Bears. One can only wonder, then, that in the case of America's Finest, does the man make the mustache, or does the mustache make the man? I'd say there is a strong case for the latter.

So what are we to do in the face of society's current situation, where hair hangs profusely from the lower lips of men, like so many cobwebs on the forgotten glory of their up-stairs brothers? A good man effects meaningful change in his environs, but only a great man wears a mustache.